Shine Today

Part 2 Nov 28. Nose tube, catheter removed. Food changed to soft foods. On one hand she is better, on the other hand this afternoon she seems worse--but not pain. It's different--emotions, physical, mental. She's tired. She does not want to go to rehab. Yesterday and earlier today her veins were no longer holding the iv. They are getting ready to try again. Nothing helps her discomfort. She is sleeping a lot. Nurse thought maybe some of the pain is because her bowels are starting to move again. Putting an iv in will allow for morphine to be administered easier. Routines tomorrow go back to "normal" which means I won't be able to be here all day. She is not happy about that...   And of course her veins still aren't holding the iv. Ok, they got one to stay. Gave her 3mg of morphine.  **a side note. Through this, at one point mom actually felt better and was excited to eat real food. her doc had mentioned this could happen again. Mom said if it does, she did NOT

Part 1 I know everyone responds differently to hospice & morphine. But no one prepares the family for what could happen (how can they really)—phone calls all day asking for help. Groaning. Saying she can't breathe. Confusion. Anxiety. And while on the phone, repeatedly asking "are you there?" And if you aren't by their side, constant phone calls. And for the family— Waiting. Guilt. Anger. Tears. Unknown. Exhaustion. Questions without answers. Sleepless nights. Even an unusual attachment to one member of the family, regardless of who visits. And THIS is if your loved one is in a facility. A loved one at home is a whole other story. But, I would tell people to be ready for anything—childlike behavior, confusion, calling out for one person, repeated phone calls, not recognizing you when you walk into their room, good days & bad days, even days that seem like they are getting better. You will not understand why, about anything, especially the hard days, or the mom