Shine Today

ok, give or take a day, but... Planned a visit with my older brother and his family...they were to come out June 10th, but it was a surprise for our parents...boy were they surprised. The reason for this entry though is just to try to put some things in writing...wish i could have recorded every instance where we, the children, almost blew the cover of them coming to visit. Seems like every time we turned around one of us would say something that just brought it too close! Yet, every time, somehow, it never managed to come out that they were coming. Thank you Lord for Your hand, i know it was not us that kept it a secret! i want to remember my parent's face when they saw their oldest son and his family standing there. wish i could describe it in such a way that anyone reading this would be able to picture their faces. it was like they were dreaming, not really sure they were standing there at all...priceless. It's been 7 years since they saw my sister-in-law. and really...

Why is it some nights sleep comes without an issue and sleep lasts until the lovely alarm wakes you? and why is it some nights it doesn't quite work that way? last night was one of those nights that didn't work. Even when i went to bed, although i was tired, i couldn't get right to sleep... But, figure i was out by 11pm, 1:30 rolls around...i remember because i was awake. not sure why, just woke up. but i woke up with a feeling to get up. honestly, i usually do anyway. you know, go to the bathroom and just peek in on the kids. so i lay back down, but can't fall asleep. it's not that i wasn't tired. so i move to the couch. 2:30 slowly rolls around...i think a bit, nothing too much, but i think. i started thinking about people in my past, not in a bad way, just people who have come in and out of my life. then, i start to fall asleep. i believe i saw the clock say 3ish...and you know what? i wake up to our fire alarm! talk about waking back up! of c...

OK , so i took on the task of homeschooling almost 8 years ago now...whew! My oldest graduated in 2006, my second is a sophomore and my youngest will start kindergarten this fall. Just know a VERY important thing should you decide home school is for you...there is no easy answer! Each kid is different, each parent teaches different. there, i said it. Something that seems so stinking obvious, yet, we seem to forget it when we take on a huge task like homeschooling. Success stories are always good to read though, so here goes. My oldest daughter never really had a favorite subject, that is, until her last year in school. She always did the work, but just never really enjoyed the classes. There was a class that actually had her do a 1/4 semester in each topic - cooking, construction, child care and one other i can't seem to remember. She really enjoyed the cooking and was quite proud of her skill in "planing" a piece of wood (i admit, it looked really nice when s...

the things that go through my mind are crazy.. scary.. it’s all suicide, hatred, love. what has become of those thoughts? the actions that have taken place.. you wouldn’t believe. why do i think these? who has made me feel such pain? i feel so much pain. slowly, I am suffocating. it’s like someone is smothering me with a pillow, whispering in my ear, "die." it brings tears. i try to fight back, i try not to listen, but his words are so strong, i start to listen. he whispers more, you’re worthless. you’re a nobody. you’re nothing. no one wants you. no one really cares about you. then he screams, you’re ugly. you slut. you’re trash. look, look at yourself. you’re filth. this seems to be taking over my mind. this, thing, it haunts me, a living nightmare i wake up to. i keep running to the light at the end, but it keeps getting further and further away. i’m grasping for air. i can’t seem to get free from what is suffocating me. my pulse is slowly fading...

Life is about learning. Life is about obstacles and opportunities. Life is about turning failures into opportunities. Life is…do we ever stop learning? Do we ever do something and NOT learn from it? I suppose we could, if we choose to simply ignore it. but truth is, we always learn. Just because we choose to not respond to it or pay attention to what we have learned doesn’t mean we didn’t learn. Our choices dictate our next step for the most part and completely define our future. So, why does it take so long for us to figure things out? Why is it that we can do things over and over with the same results yet think we will get different results? Why is it that we think we can do damaging things in our life without negatively affecting our future? Hmm, key word… T H I N K… ‘to use the mind to consider ideas and make judgments; to anticipate something happening;’ ooh, these are good- ‘to have a conscious mind, to some extent of reasoning, remembering experiences, making rationa...

It is the end of the year already. I cannot believe it. My oldest is 18 1/2, my son is 16 and my youngest will be 5 in 4 days. So, some reflections of 2007… * Brittani turned 18 * Vince turned 16 * My father-in-law passed away * My friends’ son passed away * My dog, Lightning passed away * We got a new puppy * I have learned to let go and let my children grow (and still learning!) * We went independent in homeschool * I turned 40 * I learned how to make sourdough bread, mmmm mmmmm good! * I let my youngest have an imagination! (you’ll have to ask, but it has to do with not worrying about the small stuff) * Camping in August * Surprise Birthday lunch * Thanksgiving Day was great and so was the day after * Taia was healed * Grace again and again * I’m learning how to shine, to love, to embrace and to see things more clearly * I am learning to dream again… Time is too short to stay angry, too short to not laugh. We never know what someone is going through, so we just need to love...

At what point did this journey take me where I’ve never been before? Last year? 5 years ago? And when did things become so … different? Last night at 242, Greg went back over the words that spelled “WASTE” from Sunday’s message. Worry. Anger. Striving. Turmoil. Explaining. And it really hit me. I have turmoil. Not as much as I used to. But, there are still times when things inside just become a whirling mess. But, this revelation didn’t overwhelm me like usual. It was clarity, clarity among the turmoil. Doesn’t seem possible. But, for the first time, I realized it’s about trust. OK, I don’t mean my first time ever hearing about it. I’ve known that most of the crap, the worry, the explaining boils down to not trusting that God has everything under control and that all I really need to do is look to Him. I’ve heard it. Every Sunday message boils down to loving God and trusting Him. But this time, I faced it. Last night, I looked at trust and realized that no, I do no...