This Is Hospice, part 4
Part 4
December 17. Calls started around 1:30am, to Teresa too. One unintentional voicemail I heard the nurse talking to her about how I am probably asleep and mom saying no we have to talk to each other. She gave her meds. Then at 6:30 she called again, and I was actually still asleep (bills Friday off). It's 8 now, no calls yet.
December 18. First call at 4:30am. Stayed on the line. Any time I disconnected she would call back. Called out my name every minute or two. Rough morning. From the sounds of things she ate breakfast & lunch. Got here at 1:30, she smiled said hi and fell asleep. Very sleepy today, but would wake up and say she loves me. And just like always, she knew when it was getting close to leave and would start with "don't go" she was more worked up about me leaving tonight. Nurse gave the anxiety meds early but it wasn't helping. I left about 9:15 and she called by 9:30. It was the hardest time leaving. At one point when I fell asleep she said my name so loud I thought something was wrong. 10:30ish she said she was going to go to sleep, but didn't. I fell asleep, airpod died but my phone was still connected to her. 12:40 when I didn't respond to her calling out, she called the house phone. And when I checked my phone she was calling my name. I called the nurse to check on her and she gave her more meds.
December 19. 7:24am and she has not called yet. Quiet all day. Stayed on the phone for a bit earlier. Brittani and vinny visited, she kept calling out momma and for me, but knew brittani was there. She didn't mention they visited when I came in. Slept most of the time, talking to momma, statements about things that weren't happening now (like we're both doors locked) and then like clockwork, 7:40, asked if I get to stay. I don't get it. Meant to add that her twitches aren't as bad. She still has them but not as often. Urine output has also decreased. I've been here since 4:40 and very little has come out.
December 20. More talkative again today but some comments that were out of place, like "did you lock both doors". I didn't go to the hospital today. But she called, started around 10am. Off and on. She actually did ok when I said I wouldn't make it down. But, she called out "daddy" for the first time...
December 21. Mom was quiet today. Only called a few times. Did call right back after telling me bye since I was on my way to see her. Rough night for her. When I left she panicked right away. So I stayed on the phone for what I thought would be a short time. But I fell asleep and she called my name loud. So I was awake...stayed on til 1:30 and finally disconnected. But she called. I silenced my phone...
December 22. Usually when I talk to her during the day she is ok when we disconnect. But not today. I had to ignore some calls. I even had to call her nurse at one point because she was so upset. Got to her room just about 6:30. She asked who I was. Her nurse was sitting with her. We traded places and mom fell asleep. Left at 8, she was asleep. 9:20 she called but only once.
December 23. She called about 9:30. Stayed on the line with her for a bit. She called back around 1:25 but I didn't answer. She called by 4pm. I stayed on for a bit. She just kept calling my name, saying I love you, and can you hear me. Got here about 5:40, dinner was waiting so I helped her eat a few bites. She's just staring ahead now. Lots of pain in her hip area tonight. This is a new pain, but of course what happens to our body when we don't move...pretty sure her urine odor is strong enough to smell through the cath, 2 days that I know of. Off and on through all of this, moms feet turn purple and then return to normal coloring. Her circulation has been bad for awhile because of copd. Makes no sense how they will look really bad and then, like today, look really good. Every time her anxiety starts getting bad, she breaths differently, complains about her neck, says she needs another pillow for her back... she knows I'm leaving. It's 10pm. How do you respond to someone who says help me get better?
December 24. First call wasn't until 1:30ish. Didn't say much, stayed on the line for a bit, she never said much. Jeff visited today, left just before 6 and so mom called just before 6. I couldn't answer. Nothing again til just before 9. Sometimes when she says things she sounds very childish. Stayed on the line for a bit.
December 25. First call was 10:30. Stayed on the phone 4 hours...mostly the usual, call out my name tell me she loves me. There was a panic attack though, pretty bad. They gave her meds. I came down at 3. Shel fell asleep as soon as she saw me. Urine is very cloudy, worse than it has been. Called out momma a few times and daddy. Left around 5:15. She was asleep. Started calling around 6, but didn't answer. Then again at 8. She was panicked, more than usual. Nurse had just given her meds. Calmed down by 9.
December 26. 77 today, and not aware of the day, yesterday either. Rough night last night. I thought I had hung up but when I woke up at 3ish, I could hear her calling my name--which is pretty loud because it wasn't on speaker. I called the hospital to let them know and they gave her more meds. No calls at all after that. Jeff & Teresa visited first then I got here. Her urine is darker, still cloudy. She did go poop. But she is really out of it. Keeps calling my name, called out Jeff when he was here too. Around 7:30 she started having pain. Nurse gave her morphine.
December 17. Calls started around 1:30am, to Teresa too. One unintentional voicemail I heard the nurse talking to her about how I am probably asleep and mom saying no we have to talk to each other. She gave her meds. Then at 6:30 she called again, and I was actually still asleep (bills Friday off). It's 8 now, no calls yet.
December 18. First call at 4:30am. Stayed on the line. Any time I disconnected she would call back. Called out my name every minute or two. Rough morning. From the sounds of things she ate breakfast & lunch. Got here at 1:30, she smiled said hi and fell asleep. Very sleepy today, but would wake up and say she loves me. And just like always, she knew when it was getting close to leave and would start with "don't go" she was more worked up about me leaving tonight. Nurse gave the anxiety meds early but it wasn't helping. I left about 9:15 and she called by 9:30. It was the hardest time leaving. At one point when I fell asleep she said my name so loud I thought something was wrong. 10:30ish she said she was going to go to sleep, but didn't. I fell asleep, airpod died but my phone was still connected to her. 12:40 when I didn't respond to her calling out, she called the house phone. And when I checked my phone she was calling my name. I called the nurse to check on her and she gave her more meds.
December 19. 7:24am and she has not called yet. Quiet all day. Stayed on the phone for a bit earlier. Brittani and vinny visited, she kept calling out momma and for me, but knew brittani was there. She didn't mention they visited when I came in. Slept most of the time, talking to momma, statements about things that weren't happening now (like we're both doors locked) and then like clockwork, 7:40, asked if I get to stay. I don't get it. Meant to add that her twitches aren't as bad. She still has them but not as often. Urine output has also decreased. I've been here since 4:40 and very little has come out.
December 20. More talkative again today but some comments that were out of place, like "did you lock both doors". I didn't go to the hospital today. But she called, started around 10am. Off and on. She actually did ok when I said I wouldn't make it down. But, she called out "daddy" for the first time...
December 21. Mom was quiet today. Only called a few times. Did call right back after telling me bye since I was on my way to see her. Rough night for her. When I left she panicked right away. So I stayed on the phone for what I thought would be a short time. But I fell asleep and she called my name loud. So I was awake...stayed on til 1:30 and finally disconnected. But she called. I silenced my phone...
December 22. Usually when I talk to her during the day she is ok when we disconnect. But not today. I had to ignore some calls. I even had to call her nurse at one point because she was so upset. Got to her room just about 6:30. She asked who I was. Her nurse was sitting with her. We traded places and mom fell asleep. Left at 8, she was asleep. 9:20 she called but only once.
December 23. She called about 9:30. Stayed on the line with her for a bit. She called back around 1:25 but I didn't answer. She called by 4pm. I stayed on for a bit. She just kept calling my name, saying I love you, and can you hear me. Got here about 5:40, dinner was waiting so I helped her eat a few bites. She's just staring ahead now. Lots of pain in her hip area tonight. This is a new pain, but of course what happens to our body when we don't move...pretty sure her urine odor is strong enough to smell through the cath, 2 days that I know of. Off and on through all of this, moms feet turn purple and then return to normal coloring. Her circulation has been bad for awhile because of copd. Makes no sense how they will look really bad and then, like today, look really good. Every time her anxiety starts getting bad, she breaths differently, complains about her neck, says she needs another pillow for her back... she knows I'm leaving. It's 10pm. How do you respond to someone who says help me get better?
December 24. First call wasn't until 1:30ish. Didn't say much, stayed on the line for a bit, she never said much. Jeff visited today, left just before 6 and so mom called just before 6. I couldn't answer. Nothing again til just before 9. Sometimes when she says things she sounds very childish. Stayed on the line for a bit.
December 25. First call was 10:30. Stayed on the phone 4 hours...mostly the usual, call out my name tell me she loves me. There was a panic attack though, pretty bad. They gave her meds. I came down at 3. Shel fell asleep as soon as she saw me. Urine is very cloudy, worse than it has been. Called out momma a few times and daddy. Left around 5:15. She was asleep. Started calling around 6, but didn't answer. Then again at 8. She was panicked, more than usual. Nurse had just given her meds. Calmed down by 9.
December 26. 77 today, and not aware of the day, yesterday either. Rough night last night. I thought I had hung up but when I woke up at 3ish, I could hear her calling my name--which is pretty loud because it wasn't on speaker. I called the hospital to let them know and they gave her more meds. No calls at all after that. Jeff & Teresa visited first then I got here. Her urine is darker, still cloudy. She did go poop. But she is really out of it. Keeps calling my name, called out Jeff when he was here too. Around 7:30 she started having pain. Nurse gave her morphine.
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