Friday, July 4, 2008

i want to do what You want me to do
i want to be who You created me to be
i know that at times i look at things other people do and i get all excited and want to do it. that's mainly because i hear the excitement in them about what they did. it's not necessarily that i want to do exactly what they did, like when i listened to everyone's testimony about the Philippines or when i hear the passion in someone's voice sharing something that happened, or hearing about lives changed.
i guess it's that passion i want. that's what it really is - to do things well; to be passionate about whatever i do;to let out that feeling that starts to come alive in side of me when i see, do or hear certain things. i don't know how else to explain it. i've never been able to find the words to make it make sense.
and, to begin to say "when i do this...that's when that feeling comes" doesn't mean "that" is what i really want to do. but i know there is something that lives within me that wants to come out. i've felt it. i just still don't know how to let go. and i believe that until this, whatever it is, gets resolved, thinking about dreams will remain confusing for me. why? because i have not been able to, hmmmm, good question.
and i don't know how to explain my answer except like this - is it photography? or cooking? i don't really know. but when i do them, sometimes that feeling i described above starts to burn inside of me. other times it has started when i've prayed, or served, or taught. sometimes ti starts with no common explanation, completely random...or is it?
and that's where i leave it, and maybe, just maybe i'll listen in such a way that i can hear what "it" is