Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Even Though my Eyes are Closed

It's been said that there is no pause button on life, and that often it appears as though the fast-forward button is stuck. But time isn’t really in fast-forward, or slow motion or even paused. It’s the same for all of us, whether a newborn or that of someone who is 117. We were each given the same 24 hours to complete a day; 1,440 minutes; 86,400 seconds; 86,040,000,000,000 nanoseconds (sorry, had to throw that last one in).  Some of us will finish more time than others, there is no mathematical equation that makes everyone equal. And, throughout our life, we will go through good and bad, it’s inevitable. But sometimes, I wish I could close my eyes and hold life still…just for a moment.

About 8 months ago, I got a phone call that one of my bonus kids died. He was 26, a little over 9,490 days. Life just kept going. It didn't matter that friends were broken, that his little girls were confused or that a mom was devastated. A couple months ago a friend called telling me a story that you would think came right out of a movie-her ex was arrested on crazy charges, this affects so many and isn't close to being over. Again, life doesn't pause so she can get her bearings straight. Last night I took my neighbor to the hospital because her husband went to the ER. He is 229,464 days, or 62 years and counting (which is good). Life still doesn't stop. My friend was very worried, concerned that time was running out. And then today, my bonus daughter's 2 1/2 month old son died-78 days; 1,872 hours. It doesn’t matter that his mom is a wreck, that his grandparents are devastated or that his sister is looking for him. There are no words.

In the middle of this, life goes on. And tomorrow I will get up, do the dishes, and at some point, go to work. Life isn't pausing...even though my eyes are closed.

Thursday, August 13, 2015


It's been awhile, I know. But this morning I'm sitting here thinking about being connected. There's strength in connection and power. And I realized that's why it's so hard to get connected and stay connected. It's definitely an area we all need to work in but I think often we are missing the spiritual battle involved. For some, not being strongly connected is dangerous and can lead to people giving up. For others it becomes a place of loneliness and confusion. How do we stay connected? How do we re-connect when life changes happen?

Friday, March 13, 2015

The loss of a loved one

There are no words that can explain what happened. No words that take the pain away. And I don't understand. Im not going to pretend to have the answers either because I don't. But I did read something, said to be a quote from Rose Kennedy- "It has been said that time heals all wounds. I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, however, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessons. But it is never gone." This is so true, and there's a scar left because you never forget. That's what I've learned, that we DO get to a place where the death of a loved one is not as difficult as it was at first. It's not that we forget or that it gets easy, just that we learn to move forward, in time. It's like a really bad cut, it hurts, it bleeds, and it's messy. We clean it & put a band aid on it, but the pain is still there. After time, a scab appears, sometimes that scab gets torn open. But one day the scab is gone and only the scar remains. The pain is not as intense and we learn to live with the scar. That's how it is with death, one day at a time. Leroy, I am glad to have been able to be a part of your life, and call you one of my kids. You are missed and always will be.