Monday, December 31, 2012

Happy New Year!

I don't want to approach 2013 saying "I hope it's a better year than..." because in my opinion it sets me up to fail.  And worse, what if at the end of 2013 I don't think it was better?  I want to approach 2013 focusing on what was GOOD about the past and pressing on through the trials and difficulties that I am in right now.  I want to approach 2013 with an outlook that I will not just "get through" the year, but that I will make it through because of something greater then anything out there; because of someone greater than me.  I don’t want to just make it through and say “whew, another year, hope 2014 is better.”  I don’t want to miss what lies ahead of me.  I don’t want to breeze past every day like it doesn’t matter.  These words from a song say it better then I ever could “I want to take Your Word and shine it all around. First help me just to live it Lord.  And when I'm doing well, help me to never seek a crown.  For my reward is bringing glory to you.”  This is what I want.  I want to make a difference everywhere I go.  I want people around me to know I have a hope and know why I do.  I want people to realize there is so much more to life then just getting by.  I want to walk in greater freedom and bring others with me.  I want to know that when I get to the end of 2013 I am not the same person I am today, that I made a difference in someone’s life, that I am ever closer to Jesus Christ, that I am stronger then before and that I learned from my wrongs and my rights.  I can’t do this if I simply say, “Hope 2013 is better.”  I can’t just sit back and hope.  I can’t just be “ugh” about the past and expect it to be different.  I know there will be trials.  I know there will be difficult things ahead.  But I also know that God can do wonders with my life; that’s what I want!

                        Happy new year!

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Who gave me a fish...

I recycle.  Only I don't turn the cans and plastics in.  I give them to a gal who goes through my neighborhood looking for cans and plastic.  I'm not sure how long ago it started, but one morning when she came I gave her a few bags of the cans we had.  She was so grateful! She thanked me over and over.  I did it again and soon decided that i would give her our cans all the time.  Sometimes it isn't very much, but sometimes its a large can full.  She tells me i'm good people.  Yet each time she walks away, i'm the one in tears.  i'm the one thinking it isn't right, that i need to do more.  She never expects me to bring them out and sometimes I have missed her.  Yesterday she came by, I stood in my window and held out a finger to tell her hold on.

She thanks me like I'm giving her a thousand dollars each time.  This time she took my hand as she said thanks.  Her hand is very cold.  She is always happy when I come out, even gets a little excited.  Then, she walks away, continuing through my neighborhood collecting what she can find.  I keep thinking what else can i do, i want to buy her a scarf.

Then there was today.  A knock at my door around 6am.  I hear her voice and wonder why she is calling me.  I open the door to this big smile and she shows me a bag she put on the door knob.  She says, "I give you a fish" and points again.  A woman I know only has "the recycle lady," who is grateful that I give her my cans, who's English is minimal, who gave me a fish...

Thursday, September 27, 2012

11 Years, same story

I've been homeschooling for 11 years now.  Actually just into year 12.  And, I still cannot figure out how to "teach."  Such an easy word when you look at it.  -impart knowledge or skill to; give instruction to-  Yet time and time again, I impart knowledge, I give instruction and my kids stare at me like I said nothing.  Time and time again, when I finish teaching and leave them to finish, I hear "I need help" or end up marking several wrong.  This is where I can have a melt down, start to get frustrated.  Why?  Because I really believe I'm supposed to finish schooling my youngest at home.  And this is where I begin to question myself, "am I really??"  It seems that no matter what, there are times I just cannot make the way I know how to do something come out in a way that gets the person I'm teaching the ability to understand.  4 kids. a classroom of kids.  various ages.  All with the same result.  Did I fail my older kid?  The class I taught?  Am I failing my youngest?

Sunday, August 19, 2012

From a wise 20-year old


Think of life like a baseball game. You win some games, you loose some games. You'll hit the ball and miss it more. 

When life throws a fast ball at you just watch it go by that way you'll be ready to hit it next time. When life throws a curve ball at you, wait and judge where the ball will go and then swing away while you watch it come to you next time. You won't always hit a curve but when you do, you'll feel amazed that you hit that ball out of your way.

In the life/game of baseball we all have a coach that helps us get better. At 1st he tells us a few things about how to live this life, but then, in order to get better we need to go to him so that he can teach us more and more-ask for tips, direction and help. He waits for us to come to him but it's our choice to go and seek his wisdom.

Now compare life to football, the defensive side will be doing whatever they can to keep you from breaking that line, your coach does his best to help you break that line and score a touchdown. That defensive line is a blockade from life to keep you from doing what you want to do, find the gaps in between the blockade and show life that it can't hold you back.

When the defense tackles you, get back up and move on from that fall. Theres always another way/play to help you get past the line and catch the ball and run to your goal.

Think of basketball now, you get the ball and you shoot for the hoop. The ball is your chance and the hoop is your goal. Aim for that hoop and shoot for your goal. Most shots you have won't make it, but the few shots you make will be the goals that will benefit your life the most

There will always be ppl trying to take your goals away from you, some could be close friends, or ppl you've never met. Just be ready for when that time comes in your life and prove life that your in control.

Thursday, May 31, 2012


For most of my life I have been surrounded by photography.  I remember my dad had a darkroom when I was young and I would watch him develop film.  I took a class my senior year that had photography 1 quarter and had some of my pics put in the yearbook.  I remember my history teacher was also the Jr. Varsity football coach.  He gave me a press pass so I could go onto the field during a game!  After high school I took an adult photography class and ended up with the same teacher my dad had when he took the class!

Now, here I am in the digital world.  I barely get pics printed, which is a HUGE issue for most people today.  But, I have a desire to capture Jesus in the middle of God's creation.  That may not make sense to you, but it does to me.  I have a great camera thanks to my parents.  But, i just can't seem to get out.

I admit it is difficult to see others do it, even make money at it. I am extremely happy for them, don't get me wrong.  Its just hard knowing that I have wanted to make it work for so long and just haven't been able to.

I did make a facebook page and a flicker page:  or

So I guess that's a start.  Now I just need to figure out how to draw traffic to my sites and get out to take more pics.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Seasons & Positivity

Just a short note as we get ready to change seasons.  We have had a very dry winter and have continued to have a dry spring.  We had a pretty good thunder and lightning storm not too long ago (at least for my neighborhood anyway), although I would enjoy some more.  And yes, allergy sufferers have been on full notice with sneezing being most of what you hear.

BUT, I enjoy this time of year with what it represents. New life.  It is beautiful out right now. New flowers, new tree growth, the air is clearer, it all makes for a positive outlook.  Too often we focus on what is wrong, but lets change that.  Look at the stars at night, and then again in the early morning.  Pick some flowers and put them in a vase.  Go jump on a trampoline (haha, I can say that now because we have one).  The main thing is to simply take the time to focus on the beauty of creation; focus on what we have; and laugh like you just heard the funniest thing every.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

spend yourselves and satisfy the needs...

"...if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday."

Isaiah 58:10 in a whole new light.  I have read this verse more than once and sat through teachings on it.  But tonight, I was reading a book out loud to my youngest.  Isaiah 58 is in the book and the author encourages the reader to read it.  I did, and man it hit me hard.  I couldn't get through reading it without tearing up. I had to pause in reading because I was so choked up.  Why? Why this time even though I have read this so many times before?  Because it speaks to my heart.  I SO believe we should live differently. I know, of course we do, but I'm not just talking about what we eat, lack of exercise and being nicer.  I'm talking about the fact that we should be trying to figure out how to live WITH each other, even in the same home.  How we should be there to help people in time of need, whether it's just a meal to be cooked or a yard that needs work.  Whether it's helping a newly married family or the elderly take care of simple tasks.  

I can't even find the words to explain it.  I just know it's what we should be doing. And you know what's crazy?  When we do spend ourselves and satisfy the needs of others, we benefit - "The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins and will raise up the age-old foundations; you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with Dwellings."

I want to be a repairer of broken walls and a restorer of streets.  Lord, show me...

Friday, February 10, 2012

The circle

Ever wonder why we find ourselves in the exact same place over and over? Feel like you've dug a rut so deep you will never get out? I do. And a thought came to me.  Some time ago we started on a journey but instead of turning left, we kept going right. Slowly we ended up going right so many times that we started going in circles.  Not a big deal if we eventually realize it and turn left, but for me (and i'm sure for others) we stay on the circle so much that we no longer remember how to get out.  Every once in awhile we see the left turn to take us off the well worn path, but we pass it, for whatever reason. The crazy part is we will tell others (or just ourselves) that we can't get off the path or that we don't know how.  But the truth is, we CAN and we DO know how.

So, why don't we?  For me, its like i've been on this circle for so long my "want to" isn't strong enough to take me off the path.  I know God is my source and He can take me off the path.  But, I struggle with unbelief. And with that, I struggle with frustration, desire, time, laziness, and what ever else I let get in my way.  Someone made a comment recently about how they don't understand how someone can have a medical reason to change and they still don't.  I have a medical reason to change.  Actually, we all do. but mine affects my body more than others.  I have learned that the medical reason is still not as strong as my lack of want to.  I believe it all goes back to the reality that I have been this way for so long, my habit (or whatever) doesn't even need to try to stop me any longer.  I just do things because that's what I do.

Now what?  How do I (and many others) get off the merry-go-round?  How do we get to the place where our want to is stronger?  Before you say "get an accountability partner" or "just start" or whatever else you'd like to say, realize that for some of us we know what to do, we know how to do it, we really do want it but we just haven't been able to figure out how to keep it up, along with everything else that still has to be done.

I know God has the door open for me to get off my circle.  I know it's there, I see it all the time.  I have just been going in this circle for so long I forgot how to walk through the door.

Sunday, January 29, 2012


To Crave - to long for; want greatly; desire eagerly; yearn for; to have a strong or inward desire

We crave lots of things, some healthy, some not so much.  Recently the church I attend did a series on Crave.  Then, the women's group started up a bible study based on the book "Made to Crave."  Both the book and the message series spoke about the truth that we were created to want things.  Of course, over time and with the advancement of technology and the ease of fast food, LOTS of the things we "crave" hurt us in the end.  Today, our pastor laid it out there-Could it be that we crave simply what 'we' want instead of what is best?  I personally don't even have to think about the answer, for me it is a definite yes.  

Over the years, I have desired to do what's best, eat better, exercise more, just do better.  I have learned, however, that my habits were established long before I had issues with weight.  I remember eating powdered donuts with chocolate milk often.  I remember getting these YUMMY potatoes covered in cheese with bacon on them often.  I didn't watch my portions, didn't worry about what I ate or how much.  I also learned that my issue isn't so much over-eating sweets, or even over-eating.  I eat just because the food is good.  It could be a salad and I will have a huge one or go back for seconds.  It could be a healthy meal and of course, it is the sweets and snacks.  I eat.  

My other issue I have learned is that I eat way too fast.  This causes me to eat beyond my body getting enough to be full.  This is also a problem when someone brings out say something for snacking on, like for a party.  I won't be hungry but will eat because the food is good.

What I have also learned is that i have a battle within.  Now, all of us do, the battle to do what is right vs what we want.  This doesn't mean we want to do bad things, some times what we want to do isn't bad, it's just not the right thing.  So, I've decided that for the month of February, I will not be eating sweets or junk food and will make notes for me to focus on not eating simply because the food is there.  OK, it's out there.  Now I'm accountable to you.

I will update this as I take steps to live a life craving God's will and His plan vs what I want.