Monday, August 31, 2009

It's already September

OK, I know I am typing this August 31, but by the time most people read this, it will be September. And of course, really, August is over within just a couple hours anyway...

and so my post begins.

there are sometimes I wish I could really write what is on my mind and that people would actually read this blog and the words I write would make a difference.

there is a song i've heard that talks about how a person looks on the outside doesn't necessarily reflect what is on the inside. Of course this can be taken 1 of 2 ways - 1st that the persons appearance may be an issue "they look like... (fill in the blank)" or "Oh my gosh! Did you see him? Can you believe they are wearing that?" 2nd that person can look pretty happy, content and yet inside, they can be broken, overwhelmed. either way, too often we judge the outside and dismiss the inside. Think about it...when was the last time you asked someone how they were and took the time to hear their answer? or, when was the last time someone asked YOU how you were and you actually told them instead of responding with the pre-program answer "I'm good, how are you?" i'm rambling...

i have decided i don't like starting over...
i wish people could understand my thought process, but even i can't, so...
i don't always know how to share the truth of God's love in such a way that people understand and i'm afraid i have come across "holier then thou"...
i don't have time to take care of things that i should...
i will be glad when high school is done...at least until my youngest gets there...
i need shelves...
sometimes when i think i just might get there, someone drops a road block...
i miss connection...
i wish i had the money that the philanthropist does so i can do what he does (minus the scary stuff, lol)...
if i were to ever hit the jackpot, i'm afraid i would blow the money more then i would do what is good...
i miss playing games...
some times i wish we had a farm so i could have more animals, but farms are a lot of work...
i really wish i could have taken my kids horseback riding...
i get tired of FB and MS sometimes, but then am grateful there is at least a small bit of connection...
there are times i finally find that place to withdraw to for some quiet time only to be interrupted by something unavoidable...
there are people i have lost contact with that i wish i never had...
tearing down walls is a good thing...
i worry about some of my "kids" that have not been around for awhile...
i'm afraid i will never be organized or clutter free...
i think too much...
i miss my friends...
sleep is highly overrated...so is food =)...
ok, maybe not food, i do kinda enjoy cooking...

I am grateful my joy is not dependent on the above at all nor is it dependent on my circumstances. but sometimes i need to remind myself of that...

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