Shine Today

the things that go through my mind are crazy.. scary.. it’s all suicide, hatred, love. what has become of those thoughts? the actions that have taken place.. you wouldn’t believe. why do i think these? who has made me feel such pain? i feel so much pain. slowly, I am suffocating. it’s like someone is smothering me with a pillow, whispering in my ear, "die." it brings tears. i try to fight back, i try not to listen, but his words are so strong, i start to listen. he whispers more, you’re worthless. you’re a nobody. you’re nothing. no one wants you. no one really cares about you. then he screams, you’re ugly. you slut. you’re trash. look, look at yourself. you’re filth. this seems to be taking over my mind. this, thing, it haunts me, a living nightmare i wake up to. i keep running to the light at the end, but it keeps getting further and further away. i’m grasping for air. i can’t seem to get free from what is suffocating me. my pulse is slowly fading...

Life is about learning. Life is about obstacles and opportunities. Life is about turning failures into opportunities. Life is…do we ever stop learning? Do we ever do something and NOT learn from it? I suppose we could, if we choose to simply ignore it. but truth is, we always learn. Just because we choose to not respond to it or pay attention to what we have learned doesn’t mean we didn’t learn. Our choices dictate our next step for the most part and completely define our future. So, why does it take so long for us to figure things out? Why is it that we can do things over and over with the same results yet think we will get different results? Why is it that we think we can do damaging things in our life without negatively affecting our future? Hmm, key word… T H I N K… ‘to use the mind to consider ideas and make judgments; to anticipate something happening;’ ooh, these are good- ‘to have a conscious mind, to some extent of reasoning, remembering experiences, making rationa...

It is the end of the year already. I cannot believe it. My oldest is 18 1/2, my son is 16 and my youngest will be 5 in 4 days. So, some reflections of 2007… * Brittani turned 18 * Vince turned 16 * My father-in-law passed away * My friends’ son passed away * My dog, Lightning passed away * We got a new puppy * I have learned to let go and let my children grow (and still learning!) * We went independent in homeschool * I turned 40 * I learned how to make sourdough bread, mmmm mmmmm good! * I let my youngest have an imagination! (you’ll have to ask, but it has to do with not worrying about the small stuff) * Camping in August * Surprise Birthday lunch * Thanksgiving Day was great and so was the day after * Taia was healed * Grace again and again * I’m learning how to shine, to love, to embrace and to see things more clearly * I am learning to dream again… Time is too short to stay angry, too short to not laugh. We never know what someone is going through, so we just need to love...

At what point did this journey take me where I’ve never been before? Last year? 5 years ago? And when did things become so … different? Last night at 242, Greg went back over the words that spelled “WASTE” from Sunday’s message. Worry. Anger. Striving. Turmoil. Explaining. And it really hit me. I have turmoil. Not as much as I used to. But, there are still times when things inside just become a whirling mess. But, this revelation didn’t overwhelm me like usual. It was clarity, clarity among the turmoil. Doesn’t seem possible. But, for the first time, I realized it’s about trust. OK, I don’t mean my first time ever hearing about it. I’ve known that most of the crap, the worry, the explaining boils down to not trusting that God has everything under control and that all I really need to do is look to Him. I’ve heard it. Every Sunday message boils down to loving God and trusting Him. But this time, I faced it. Last night, I looked at trust and realized that no, I do no...

It's official, I own a blog. I will start with something simple, and then who knows... It is the season of business, shopping, spending, spending more, wrapping, putting up lights, being in crowded places, standing in long lines, oh, and did I say spend? All for Christmas. But wait. Isn't it Christ Mas? The reason for the season Jesus? For most of us, we know that it is the day we, as Christians, celebrate the birth of Christ Jesus. But it's almost like after that, we stop. We forget that He actually grew up. OK, so, ready? Here it is, plain and simple: I bring you good news of GREAT joy! A Savior has been born! and YOU Can find Him! It really is that simple, and the greatest news ever. Today, we can find Him, Jesus, Emmanuel. And when we find Him, we will shine. Not because of anything we do, but simply because He is in us and He shines. Then we are called to let our light shine - that's where the "do" comes in. Now, we have to peel off the laye...